I left the city and I went home to be with him.
我离开了城市，回家陪父亲。
He died 6 months later.
6个月之后，他去世了。
My father was a complete inspiration to me. He was always so strong that, for a minute after he drew his last breath, I honestly thought he would come back to life. I couldn’t believe I would never again cuddle into his big warm chest and feel safe no matter what.
父亲的事让我彻底清醒。他一直很强壮，在他咽气之后一分钟里，我真的认为，他会活过来。我不能相信，我再也不能依偎在他温暖的怀抱里，享受他宽大的胸怀带给我的安全感。
The grief that followed was intense for all of us 5 children and our mother, but we had each other.
母亲和我们5个兄弟姐妹极为难过，但至少我们还拥有彼此。
But my oldest sister at that time complained of a bad back. It got so bad after 2 months that she too was admitted to hospital.
但是，那时我大姐开始抱怨着背痛，2个月后，因疼痛加剧也住进了医院。
They discovered that she had highly advanced cancer in her bones and that there was nothing that they could do.
医生们检查发现，她已是骨癌晚期，对此他们已无能为力。
She died 1 month later.
1个月之后，她也走了。
I could never put into words the loss of my sister in my life.
大姐的逝去让我陷入难以形容的痛苦之中。
She was a walking, talking angel and my favourite person in the whole world. If someone could have asked me the worst thing that could ever happen, it would have been losing her.
在这个世界上，她是一个能走路、会说话的天使，我最喜欢的人。如果有人问我，世界上发生的最坏的事情是什么，那就是失去她。
She was my soul-mate and I never thought I would journey this lifetime without her.
她是我的灵魂伴侣，我从来没有想过，我会走过没有她陪伴的生命旅程。
The Moment Of Deliberate Choice
抉择时刻
The shock and extreme heart break brought me to my knees. The pain was so great and my world just looked desolate. I had no real home, no money, no job, and no friends that cared. Not one person had even sent me a sympathy card for my loss.
我被打击和极度的心痛击挎了。强烈的`痛苦使世界在我眼中变得如此凄凉。我没有真正意义上的家，没有钱，没有工作，也没有关心我的朋友。没有一个人因我失去亲人而寄给我慰问卡。
I made an attempt of my own life and I ended up in hospital.
我尝试着活下去，结果住进了医院。
I remember lying in the hospital bed, looking up at the ceiling and seeing my sister’s beautiful face. She stayed with me all night long.
我记得，躺在病床上，看着天花板，看到姐姐美丽的面庞。她整夜守候着我。
I realised during that night that I had a choice. I could choose to end my life or I could choose to live it.
那天晚上，我意识到我可以选择。要么结束生命，要么活下去。
I looked in my sister’s eyes and I made a decision not to go with her just yet. That I would stay and complete my journey here.
望着姐姐的眼睛，我决定不跟她走。我要留下来，走完我的生命旅程。
I also made the decision that, I wouldn’t just live any life. I would live the life that I absolutely LOVE and nothing less.
同时，我还决定，不只为生活而生活，我要完全以自己想要的方式生活。
In that moment, the clarity that descended around me was like a light shining in a dark room for the first time. As if the earth’s plates had shifted under my feet and everything suddenly looked real for the first time.
在那一刻，这一想法第一次清晰得如同一盏在黑暗闪烁的明灯。好像脚下的地球版块变换了，每一样东西在我眼前都真实得前所未有。
美文赏析:打开心门拥抱生活
We often close ourselves off when traumatic events happen in our lives; instead of letting the world soften us, we let it drive us deeper into ourselves. We try to deflect the hurt and pain by pretending it doesn’t exist, but although we can try this all we want, in the end, we can’t hide from ourselves. We need to learn to open our hearts to the potentials of life and let the world soften us.
生活发生不幸时，我们常常会关上心门；世界不仅没能慰藉我们，反倒使我们更加消沉。我们假装一切仿佛都不曾发生，以此试图忘却伤痛，可就算隐藏得再好，最终也还是骗不了自己。既然如此，何不尝试打开心门，拥抱生活中的各种可能，让世界感化我们呢？
Whenever we start to let our fears and seriousness get the best of us, we should take a step back and re-evaluate our behavior. The items listed below are six ways you can open your heart more fully and completely.
当恐惧与焦虑来袭时，我们应该退后一步，重新反思自己的言行。下面六个方法有助于你更完满透彻地敞开心扉。
1. Breathe into pain
直面痛苦
Whenever a painful situation arises in your life, try to embrace it instead of running away or trying to mask the hurt. When the sadness strikes, take a deep breath and lean into it. When we run away from sadness that’s unfolding in our lives, it gets stronger and more real. We take an emotion that’s fleeting and make it a solid event, instead of something that passes through us.
当生活中出现痛苦的事情时，别再逃跑或隐藏痛苦，试着拥抱它吧；当悲伤来袭时，试着深呼吸，然后直面它。如果我们一味逃避生活中的悲伤，悲伤只会变得更强烈更真实——悲伤原本只是稍纵即逝的情绪，我们却固执地耿耿于怀。
By utilizing our breath we soften our experiences. If we dam them up, our lives will stagnate, but when we keep them flowing, we allow more newness and greater experiences to blossom.
深呼吸能减缓我们的感受。屏住呼吸，生活停滞；呼出呼吸，更多新奇与经历又将拉开序幕。
2. Embrace the uncomfortable
拥抱不安
We all know what that twinge of anxiety feels like. We know how fear feels in our bodies: the tension in our necks, the tightness in our stomachs, etc. We can practice leaning into these feelings of discomfort and let them show us where we need to go.
我们都经历过焦灼的煎熬感，也都感受过恐惧造成的生理反应：脖子僵硬、胃酸翻腾。其实，我们有能力面对这些痛苦的感受，从中领悟到出路。
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